In the single language exchange app that I’m continuing to use, although I have on my profile that I’m not interested in dating and I’d rather make friends with girls than boys, predominantly men send me messages. Today I blocked a 31-year-old man who’d asked me where I lived as his first message, and then the next day (today), although he could see I’d read his previous message and had declined to respond, had asked me again in Korean. Is it stupidity, bullheadedness, cluelessness, aggression, a simple lack of regulation of internet behavior?
I block men all the time on that app. These days I admit to being a little trigger happy; it takes the smallest impetus to bring my finger smashing down into the “report/block” button, but even when I look back at the list of blocked people in my account settings I can justify each profile being there.
Yesterday morning I had to block a kid who’d messaged me like seven times over the course of a few months on this app and had messaged me back in February on a dating app. Despite my persistent lack of response he continued to send me messages such as “herro” (hello), a simple :3 (oh, sexy, I’m gonna be all over that … yeah good one), and finally, the straw that broke me– “you there?”
Yes I’m here you creep, yes I’ve ignored the last 7 messages you sent me on this language exchange app and the others you sent me on that dating app that I’ve since deleted.
Before I blocked him I sent him a “do not message me again” so that I could have the pleasure of knowing that he’d probably try to respond to that and then receive the app-generated message: this user has declined to receive any more messages from you.
There’s a whole host of things that makes this app’s users immature, aside from there being creepy men on there who ignore your profile that clearly says “I won’t date you even if you pay me $10000”–
by the way, while I’m on this subject, what the heck. Do you think you’re super extra handsome or something so that’s gonna make me forget that I ever said I had no intention of setting up a date through this app? Actually, in Korea, I wouldn’t be surprised if a guy who knew he was handsome also knew he could get away with stuff like that because in Korea he can.
But I was talking about immaturity. For example, someone messages me with a short self-introduction and then their next message is “will you be my friend”?
Um… hello…? There’s a reason that only works in kindergarten? I used to just ignore messages like this but these days I’m feeling slightly belligerent, offended by all of the immaturity and dunceheadedness allowed to flourish around me while I alone seem doomed to live an honest and decent life, so I’ll respond with something like “since I don’t know you at all it’s impossible to say whether or not I want to be your friend but I’m leaning towards the opposite” which of course is way beyond their English-learning level. Which is slightly mean of me but when you’ve got a personality like that that just goes out there and asks something like that you should be surprised once in awhile by someone who’s actually not friend material so that you stop asking that in the future. Only I’m pretty sure that based on the rate that men and women alike ask me this question, nobody else in the whole app’s infrastructure is letting anybody know that it’s very childish to ask someone to be friends with you before you even can know if you’d like to be friends with them in the first place.
This leads into my second big problem. Say I’ve chatted with someone for about a day on and off and without actually saying “look, I’m sorry, this isn’t working out” I’ve sent them quite simple replies or have left long gaps of time between responses, but they’re not getting the message. They insist that we meet up for language exchange or that they can help me with my Korean. They think because they’ve taken a liking to my profile and I seem to be a kind / an interesting person everything’s gonna work out how they want it to and they ignore the fact that my will to continue this is also at play. So then I have to tell them “look, I’m sorry, this isn’t working out” and they get mad at me. Mad! Like it’s my fault our personalities are incompatible or something. Like it’s my fault they’re not my style!
Why, why, why can’t people, I mean these are adults (!), realize that you can’t be friends with everybody…? I feel like that’s a kind of childhood life lesson. You won’t like everyone you meet and not everyone you meet will like you. But this is more subtle than that because it’s a matter of personalities and needs matching up and honestly the likelihood of finding a suitable match online is really low.
Luckily for me I’ve made some great friends in this very app (as unlikely as you’d probably be to believe that now) and I keep searching for more. But it’s slow, and along the way I have to suffer inanely boring conversations or plot all day as to how to tell the 56 year old woman who’s asked me to be her friend that I can’t be her friend in this universe or any universe and never will want to be even if I’m reborn as someone who’s her same age. Because she wants to be friends with me in this life.
These days I just want to pick a fight with everybody. Why do you think it’s okay to think this way? Why are you living this way? Why doesn’t anyone want to think their own way and look how they want to look and do what they want to do and just to hell with what everyone else would say to their mom about it? These days out of reaction to ordinariness I become myself aggressively, I pick verbal fights with people who say stuff that needs to be fought over, I challenge the stupid comments or questions I receive daily, I don’t worry about hurting their feelings if they’ve disregarded mine. Aggressively myself. Something boils inside me. Anger is still new to me. I’ve only felt it for the first time as recently as a few months ago. I mean real, seething anger, a sense of injustice on steroids. I refuse to suffer fools, I’ve always said that about myself. But usually that was a silent intolerance, retorts said in my head to myself or mere avoidance of those I found to be foolish. These days I’m waiting, as they say, with open arms. Try me. I’ll probably bite your head off. And I’ll probably do it so underhandedly that you’ll have no idea I’ve done it. Aggressively myself.